I have been experiencing significant anxiety over having to blog my thoughts, views and ideas as I progress through this chapter in my life – teacher education. Part of this is not having the time to physically sit down and take time out to compile my thoughts – however, there’s more to it than that.
I have managed to take some time to read and view my colleagues’ blogs and after reading their blogs and those of other educators that I’ve discovered online, I always come away with the same thought – “WOW!” The insights, thoughts, views and ideas that have been shared via blog are all very profound, interesting and thought-provoking.
Hence my anxiety….dare I actually say the words? Here goes…am I good enough?? Will I make a fool of myself??
This thought is quite ironic since those who know me personally know that I am an outgoing, fairly confident person. I have no problem speaking out and sharing my views – whether it be with friends, colleagues or classmates. I stay true to “say what you mean, mean what you say”. I’ve never worried about “being judged” or “what will people think?” as long as I remained respectful and true to myself.
From a young age, I was taught to “be myself” and I never hesitated to do so. So, in Grade 5, when all the girls went crazy about the latest boy band (NKOTB), I stuck with my favourite music (hip-hop/rap) never worrying about “being different”. When I thought it would be “cool” to get my nose pierced, as a tribute to my heritage and culture, I didn’t hesitate to do so. Safe to say, I was the only kid in Gr. 7 to make such a bold statement (in the 90s) and I was “persecuted” by peers for my choice, but I didn’t care. This was my way of expressing myself.
So why, at this point in my life am I all of a sudden afraid to share my thoughts and views?? Well, first, the sharing platform is one which I’ve never used before. But that’s not really it. After much reflection, I’ve realized that its actually quite scary to “put myself out there” – out where? Out into cyberspace…where my classmates, instructors, education colleagues and other can read my thoughts and “judge” me. Whew! That’s scary! What if they think I’m a raving idiot?
So now I am faced with a few choices. I can forget this whole blog idea (along with this optional tech course that I am taking), I can continue to blog but in a more “professional, scripted voice” or I can just “be myself” and take a personal risk. What would you do?
I believe I will have to take some advice from Nike and “Just Do It”. I will take the risk and “put myself out there” – the REAL me, not a scripted, edited version of me. I have to be true to myself and practice what I preach. I have told my kids a countless number of times “be yourself” and I guess its time that I take my own advice. So here goes….wish me luck!